No more whining. That’s it. I’ve had it. After two and a half years of training, I’ve come to this conclusion: Because 95% of the people I train with outweigh me and can out muscle me by a factor simply due to biology, I am wasting my time being hard on myself for not always being able to overcome that disadvantage.
This revelation comes after a week of training that encompassed a bipolar range of highs and lows. I had some discouraging moments – starting from the knees, and simply being shoved backwards and onto my back by a white belt who thought he was an offensive lineman for the Broncos. Or not being able to keep my grips on the gi when the guy I was rolling with grabbed my fingers, hauled off, and ripped them off his lapel.
I had some highs, too – working with a purple belt at Dalla’s who actually didn’t try to steamroll me and made an effort to match his strength to mine. I left that roll feeling like I actually learned something and like I wasn’t a spaz after all.
I know that BJJ is supposed to teach you to use technique and leverage to overcome bigger, stronger opponents. That’s part of why I felt so lousy about getting beaten up so consistently in training. But the fact is, two and a half years in, in the grand scheme of things, I’m still a rank beginner. If ten years from now, I’m in the same place, then I truly need to step back and figure out what the heck my problem is. But I’m seeing progress, slow and frustrating as it is, and that is what I need to focus on. Small victories that will build up into a larger success.
So I’m done whining about how bad I suck. Honestly, I’m starting to bore myself with it. I plan to continue focusing on a few techniques per class, drill drill drill, and simply shut up and roll.